My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
