She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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