I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
