I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
