Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
