people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
