porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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