i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
