they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
