we're blogging at a bar
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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