I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
