U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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