I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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