R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
