Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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