Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
