oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
