How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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