We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
