I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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