it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
