And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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