So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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