Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
