hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
