Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
