Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
