Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
