i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
