I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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