and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
