Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
