so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
