I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
