He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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