I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
