is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
