he wants to bone in the snuggie
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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