we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
