You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
