CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
