so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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