I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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