theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
