allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize