he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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