In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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