Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
