I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
