Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
