Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
