I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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