Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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