with your own penis?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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