I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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