Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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