I wish i was in the wii world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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