She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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