Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
