we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
did i just pee glitter
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