What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
