My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think my moral compass just broke
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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