break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
