you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
