Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
