I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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