I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
